well....

as readers of this blog know it started as a way to document some of the everyday joys my daughter, Pheobe, and I discovered. Its fair to say that there have been periods of regular posts and times when the pace of life meant gaps between posts were stretched out.

the thing is, i'm just back from helping Pheobe move to University



I think surreal is the word I would currently use for how, no matter how lengthy and involved preparations for and thoughts about this shift in our lives, this all feels. Daily routines still exist in ones mind of course, roads to running practice or back and forth between my home and Pheobe's mothers house seem to look different despite their familiarity, the atmosphere in each room at home seems stuck somehow - waiting for all of its essential elements.

I am immensely proud of Pheobe and I share in her excitement for the course (fine art) and can only imagine all the adventures she will have meeting new friends and settling in. I look forward, always, to seeing or hearing about each step of her journey

Its ok that we both miss each other a lot, that we feel tearful quite a lot and its ok that it will take us both time to understand it all.

I currently have no real idea what the other parts of my life mean. That might sound dramatic but I think (?) it must be quite normal. Being a parent to Pheobe has been the most important, wonderful (by a very long way) part of my life in a very direct way for 19 years and so now that that role is shifting in terms of the shape of its daily expression the other aspects of life that should simply come forward and re-position themselves seem even smaller. Being a parent is, quite simply, an immensely powerful, warm, loving experience. It changes you and it changes how you experience the world. Any change in it, large or small, has the ability to spin you around - often in very good ways and sometimes in ways that leave you dizzy and unsure of your footing.

i'm not sure what form this blog will take now. For some time its been more general - posts about music, art or film that we have found and it might continue that way. It might also, sometimes, reflect on this new shape to life.

I think, for now, i'll just say thank you for the first 19 years of you Pheobe - you are an inspiration and a deep joy


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